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Toxic People

I am typically a pretty happy, loving positive, Christan person but at times I let things get the best of me as well as people. As much as I am sure that we all try to keep toxic people out of our lives they still seem to enter. For me I always try to see the best in people and even when I see their faults I some how think that I can help change them. A good indicator of a toxic person is one that has very few friends and one who does not speak to many of their own family members. This type of person only has one way, their way and if you dare cross them you will pay. Toxic people can and will bring out the worst in others and they are not happy unless they live in a constant state of drama and turmoil. The toxic person is extremely self righteous and often threatens and intimadates people to get their way! We can all act crazy and make bad choices every now and then but the toxic person lives this way constantly. So what can you do with toxic people in your life?

Dealing with toxic people

* Be comforted in the fact that you are not alone. Every person walking the earth knows at least one toxic person in their life. The toxic person is a family member, friend, associate, workmate, boss, etc. Toxic people come in all shapes and forms as they know no boundaries.

* Realize that until you stop allowing a toxic person to hurt you and your life, they will continue to do so.

* The most important thing to remember is that you have the power to stop a toxic person. You do this by controlling your own actions and reactions. As you probably already know, you cannot control the actions of other people. But the good thing is you can control yourself and your life. You have the power to walk away from a toxic person and not allow them into your life anymore. Freedom is a wonderful and liberating experience.

* Realize that toxic people can drain your health, energy, well being and sanity. It helps to move away from toxic people and move towards people who are positive and uplifting. Positive people are a blessing. Rely on your instincts, they never lie. Train yourself to move away from what hurts you and move towards what feels good. This is one of the smartest life skills you can learn, and also one of the best gifts you can ever give to yourself.

* Toxic people are extremely negative, nasty, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible, selfish, and abusive. They can be criminally minded, mentally ill, or just plain evil. Toxic people are also the ones that abuse alcohol or drugs and then hurt other people. The toxic individual exudes the dark side of human nature all of the time. They cause other people pain, craziness, and aggravation. They are not hard to recognize. Just take notice of how you feel when you are around one of these people. It will be easy to determine. You will immediately feel sick and experience physical symptoms like a headache or stomach pain. Or you will just feel like you are going crazy, but don’t worry that is the true mark of being with a toxic person. Remember this so that you will be better able to identify a toxic person. That is the first step towards eliminating one from your life.

* Know that when a person is toxic it is because of their own issues. Sometimes these issues can consist of mental illness. Accept that a toxic persons behavior has nothing to do with you. In life, each of us has to take responsibility for our own actions. Toxic people do not do this. They have a habit of turning things around so that you feel bad, you feel guilty, and you feel like you are at fault. Remember that when dealing with a toxic person, they are responsible for their own actions, but often do not. Realize this and you take back your power.

* The best thing you can do when dealing with a toxic person is to walk away and not allow them to hurt you anymore. If you cannot walk away, then mentally walk away. You can do that by being kind to yourself. Allow yourself to disengage, disassociate, and detach. Detachment is a process of not caring.
It is something you do for yourself. It is a mental skill that takes some time to learn at first, but once it is mastered, it can help you to become stronger mentally and physically. Detachment is a necessary skill for preserving your own mental health. Detaching from people and situations that are not good for you is healthy and can help you to feel better. Begin detachment by repeating affirmations. Affirmations are powerful because over time, the mind believes what we program into it. The following are some good examples to help you, but feel free to make your own that speak to you personally.

I do not care about ***.
I will not allow *** to hurt me.
Detaching from*** will help me to be healthy on many levels.
I control my own life and decisions.
I am strong.
I feel good about the decision to detach.
Detachment is healthy and necessary.

* When dealing with toxic people remember that exercise is your best friend. Exercise relives both mental and physical tensions. It helps the body to produce healing chemicals that will repair your body and help you think more clearly. Exercise also encourages the release of endorphins, chemicals that relieve pain and help you to feel good both mentally and physically.

* Most importantly develop supportive relationships with your life partner, friends, family, workmates, and associates. There is strength in numbers. Talking things over with the people in your life who love and care for you, can help you to overcome the negativity of toxic people. Just as animals and children instinctively can sense when someone is good or evil, the people who love you are very good at recognizing when someone is toxic and hurting you. Loved ones are a good defense against toxic people because they can offer you good advice and support for eliminating negative influences in your life.

Content copyright © 2008 by danielle barone. All rights reserved

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Feeling Sad

Yesterday was Adrianne’s Celebration of Life Memorial Service. The service was so beautiful and pink, just like she wanted it. Adrianne loved Lisa Leuschner who was on American Idol and who signs at Twin Lakes Church. I was so excited that I was able to get Lisa to sing at Adrianne’s service. She sang two songs, “Amazing Grace and ” Celebrate Me Home” she did an amazing job!!

The last three weeks have been an experience that I will never forget. I am exhausted but blessed that I was able to be with Adrianne is her final days as well as help to plan her service. Yesterday I woke up at 5:00 in the morning with so much anxiety, I knew that the day of her memorial service had arrived as well as the fact that I would be saying my speech in front of all of her family and friends. Speaking in public always makes me nervous and speaking at a funeral made me even more nervous because I knew that I would be crying no matter how hard I tried not to. Well, I did cry but I survived and I am really glad that I did it!

As I said in my speech, I cannot help but ask “why” over and over. I know that there is no answer for me but I continue to ask this. With this question I have to turn to faith and know that God DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES! God has a divine plan for each and everyone one of us and when he calls us to come home it is not one second sooner than it should be. Now for us here on earth we may very well disagree with God’s plan but God never promised that we would be without pain and without loss. I have a hard time understanding why Adrianne had to leave us so soon. She is so young and has two very young children but I trust the Lord and I know that Adrianne’s life had a purpose and she must be extremely special for him to call her home to home so soon.

Today I am having a hard time. I am feeling reflective about life and wondering what the purpose is? I hate feeling this way but I know that it will soon pass. I am a pretty happy and positive person most of the time but Adrianne’s passing is really difficult for me to understand. Yesterday when we drove away from the church after her service I saw some children playing soccer across the street. It dawned on me that the world keeps going on around you after you loose someone that you love. It was hard for me to drive away, I knew that would be the last event of Adrianne’s life and my heart felt heavy and sad. Today I have been unable to shake that feeling.  Although I feel extremely exhausted it also feels strange to now have all of this free time. I will forever miss my friend Adrianne, she was so amazing and she taught me so much about life.

Adrianne, I miss you and I love you so much. You were a beautiful person inside and out and it was a true privilage to have you as my friend. Rest in peace my my sweet friend!!

 

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May 6, 2008 - 8:13 pm

Sherri - Amy, I have been following your heartfelt postings – I was Adrianne’s neighbor back in 1996. We became friends and went out dancing together, she actually watched my kids for me a couple of times. She was buried on my birthday, and because I live in Roseville, I couldn’t attend her funeral. I think of her daily, her beautiful smile… It truly saddens me to think we lost such a beautiful soul. Thank you for leaving a footprint for those of us whom could not be there for this tragic chain of events. Those of us whom knew here share the same feelings – I heard the service was beautiful, I wish I were there. Again, thank you for sharing your feelings and keeping Adrianne’s memory alive.

Sherri East

Rest in Peace my Beautiful Friend

In Loving Memory
Adrianne Bresnahan-Gomes
June 5, 1973 – April 21, 2008 

Today my beautiful friend Adrianne went home to be with the Lord. Seeing Adrianne pass over to heaven this afternoion was a beautiful and peaceful experience. I do not have enough energy right now to say much more but I miss her so much already. Adrianne taught me so much about life and I will never forget that. She is now a beautiful angel just like she was here on earth.

Adrianne I will never forget you, you were an amazing friend and person!!

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April 29, 2008 - 5:43 pm

Christy - I had the pleasure of having Adrianne do my makeup for my 2002 wedding. She and her MAC team did such an awesome job on me and my sisters. Then I met her again when I worked at A Mother’s Place when she was preggo with her first baby. I am sad that her and her family have had to go through all of this. I wish her family well on their journey through life without Adrianne. I cannot imagine what her husband and children must be going through. Thanks for the updates. She was a beautiful soul even though I did not know her she did touch my life. Its amazing how one tiny act of kindness from a human can an impact.

One Day at a Time

Once again I have not been able to keep up with my blog. I have so many great stories to share from our vacation but life has been super crazy since my return and i am trying to take one day at a time.

I have been sitting with my beautiful friend Adrianne who has cancer for several hours everyday. Watching her go through the final stages has been so heartbreaking. Seeing her in pain makes my heart physically ache. I wish that I could take all of her discomfort away and bring her peace. I have prayed for a miracle for a over a year and feel so helpless that she was not able to beat her fight against this ugly cancer.

Adrianne has taught me so much. She is such an amazing person. I have never once heard her complain and I have watched her enjoy every moment of life that she has been blessed with. Even in times of pain Adrianne always has a beautiful smile and a positive outlook. She is a strong and brave person who will inspire me for the rest of my life.

Being able to sit with Adrianne everyday and hold her hand has been a blessing to me. As painful as it is to watch her suffer I feel lucky to be in her life and to be there for her. Adrianne is no longer able to communicate with me through speech but when I told her a story today she made direct eye contact with me, cracked a smile and tried to speak. I will cherish every moment that I have with her.

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April 19, 2008 - 12:36 am

Sarah Lewis - Ahh Amiee i am praying everyday for her and her family. i also pray for your strength to be able to go through all of this.

At Sea

Today is our second full day at sea on our cruise. It has been amazing so far despite my constant dizziness. I have found that it helps me greatly to just keep the cocktails flowing that way I am not really sure if I am dizzy from the boat or from my alcohol consumption.

Tomorrow we will arrive at our first port, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I am excited because I have never been there and I am looking forward to getting on land for a while. I am going to wrap up my post now as I am being charged by the minute to be online and I have already racked up quite a large bill being the internet junky that I am.

chow~

 

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April 9, 2008 - 10:16 pm

Sarah Lewis - I wish i was with you!

Bon Voyage

We arrived to Los Angeles last night after a long 7 1/2 hour drive. The kid’s were amazingly good. They watched their movies and played their handheld games. I am so proud of all of them for being so well bahved for the long car ride!

This morning everyone is so excited! We woke up to see our enormous cruise ship docked outside of our hotel window. Sean, Kinley & Hadley are bouncing on the beds. They cannot wait to get on the ship. Last night we had all of the cousins running around Bompa & Grammy’s hotel room with much excitement and lots of energy.

I have to make this post short since we have to get ready to get on our shuttle to the ship. I will be updating my blog from the internet cafe on the ship.

Bon Voyage, we are off to the Mexican Rivera for 8 days.

 The Golden Princess

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April 6, 2008 - 5:14 pm

Christy - Have really fun time Aimee! Sounds like you all could use a little R&R.